A grief observed essay

The author and his a grief observed essay, Carol. I will turn to her as often as possible in gladness.

I will even salute her with a laugh. The less I mourn her the nearer I seem to her. Unfortunately it can’t be carried out. When his wife Joy died in 1960, C.

The faith which ‘took these things into account’ was not faith but imagination. From there, Lewis, in his remarkable book, questions the nature of the “good” God in which he once believed, coming to the conclusion that what we humans see as good is meaningless in the eyes of God. If His ideas of good are so very different from ours,” Lewis writes, “what He calls Heaven might well be what we should call Hell, and vice versa. The terrible thing is that a perfectly good God is in this matter hardly less formidable than a Cosmic Sadist. I am more afraid that we are really rats in a trap.

Or, worse still, rats in a laboratory. Someone said, I believe, ‘God always geometrizes. Supposing the truth were ‘God always vivisects’? In a deep depression when his wife passed away, Lewis obviously fell into despair. Lewis astutely describes what it feels like to lose someone very close to you. Death only reveals the vacuity that has always been there. What we call the living are simply those who have not yet been unmasked.

All equally bankrupt, but some not yet declared. I now know all too well. Recently, my wife of 42 years, Carol, suddenly passed away. Nothing can convey the feeling of lostness that has come over me. I feel like a gutted fish.

My sense of being has been amputated. All sounds, even human voices, seem shrill and overbearing. A vast void that cannot be filled. And while, because of my intense and often abusive nature I seemed to break down, Carol was always there, holding me up so I would not crash. When I was going to quit law school, Carol made me go back to class. She was always there at key junctures in my life, keeping me on track.

It was not easy to live with me, but Carol did so with amazing grace. I now face the same questions that plagued Lewis. Why would a good God completely disembowel my life? How can I explain the massive hole in my soul left by my beloved? There really are no neat and simple answers. I do believe in a God of order. What we are up against is not the sanguine God that modern prosperity preachers try to sell us.